


Security Blanket

by foreverinprinxietyhell



Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: Apologies, Becoming Parents, Coping Mechanisms, Day drinking, Depression, Father-Daughter Relationship, French Kissing, Gifts, Grief/Mourning, Grieving, Heart-to-Heart, Hurt/Comfort, Lunch with Friends, M/M, Making Out, Making Up, Married Life, Moving On, Nightmares, Pancreatic cancer, Reminiscing, Semi-Public Sex, Single Parents, Slight Voyeurism, Survivors Guilt, Telling Stories, Uncertainty, blanket bonfire, light banter, possible break up, proposal, public handjob, s4ep26, sharing memories, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2018-12-11 23:42:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11725032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinprinxietyhell/pseuds/foreverinprinxietyhell
Summary: I didn't want to kill off Murr, but I've been dealing with the recent death of one of my family friends who died from cancer and I felt like this would be a good way to help me cope. Hope y'all still enjoy this chapter nonetheless!





	1. Chapter 1

Fire flickered in teary eyes as the only remaining remnant of his childhood had been burned; the punishments they endured had been personal in other ways that were hard to adjust to at first, but this was hitting an all-time low. At forty years of agea, he still slept with the blanket tucked away safely in a pillow case even when making love to his partner. How long that would be off the table for sneaking off with such a treasured item only to have it destroyed he could not say, but there were consequences for stooping to this level of torment.

“Babe, are you ready to go home?” Joe asked, sitting beside him on a nearby park bench as he stroked at nipples that were hairier than usual to grab attention, “We can go grab a quick bite if you wanna.” 

“I’m not in the mood to eat…”

“What’s the matter?”

“Oh, I dunno, maybe the fact that you broke my trust? There’s that and a bit of trauma too!”

“Murray, sweetheart...”

“I don’t wanna hear it, let’s just leave. I hope you enjoy sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Huffing in annoyance the two walked without a word shared as they reached a shared car, giving a pitiful look toward mutual best friends in a plea to be helped; feeling sorry for the man, the youngest member of their group came up to put a supportive hand onto a bent shoulder.

“Come to laugh at my misery again?”

“Bud, we didn’t use your actual blanket.” 

“Now you’re toying with me? I’m not stupid, ya know!”

“Did I say you were?” Sal asked in a gentle tone so as not to further upset someone who was so distraught, trying to get him to listen despite physically protesting with a shaken head, “Do you honestly think we’d kill your beloved blankie when we know how much it means to you?”

“If it weren’t for the time you guys snuck into my apartment and ruined my couch with a whole pizza then I’d consider it.”

“That was before you moved in with your boyfriend though!” Sal exclaimed in exasperation, regretting the outburst when the balding man started to tear up at those words before pulling him in for a gentle hug, “Sorry, didn’t mean to yell.” 

“Not your fault…”

“How about we take a walk? Give you two some time apart and clear you mind, whatdya say?”

“Don’t you have plans with your man?”

“I can wait, you seem to need his attention more than I do anyway,” Brian responded as he finally joined everyone else, pressing a quick smooch into an olive toned cheek before continuing, “Take care of ‘im for me, will ya, Murray?”

“Of course, we look out for each other.” 

Half an hour went by without a trace once the two men started to follow an aimless path around the park once a discarded shirt had been replaced; it took a while of convincing, but Murray began opening up to a life-long friend when there was enough distance between them and their respective partners.

“What do I do, man?” 

“What’re you on about?”

“Well, I don’t want to break up with Joey, but that was sort of a deal breaker…” he trailed off, a signature movement twitching his neck at a far angle to the left at admitting an idea never completely considered, “He’s the best thing that’s happened to me, ya know?”

“Then you should be able to look past this, right?”

“I wish, but I’m not sure. I’ve had so many memories with that blanket.”

“Think of it as an opportunity to make new ones in your relationship. Surely you don’t want to break up with him over such a trivial matter, right?”

“I guess not… I’m just so beside myself, that’s so unlike him.” 

“Trust me, I understand. You think Brian and I don’t have silly fights?”

“It’d be weirder if you didn’t.”

“Exactly! Something like this was bound to happen, it’s your first fight as a couple.”

“I didn’t think of it that way…” James mused, smiling weakly as he considered how this would only push them forward, “You think I should go back and apologize?”

“On an empty stomach? Nah, let’s get lunch.”

“I don’t want to impose.”

“C’mon, it’s my treat.”

“You’re starting to sound more like Q…” 

“Another perk of being in the dating world.” 

Point taken, the older one followed into a quaint diner that seemed familiar for some unknown reason that fled from the forefront of his mind as they found a booth in the far back. Pouring over the menu even though he would most likely select the same meal out of habit, his forehead crumpled in thought as soda was sipped as if carbonated bubbles would clear up such an archaic memory.

“You alright, bud? Looking a bit constipated….”

“I’ve been here before, but I can’t seem to remember. Have we had lunch here before?”

“This is my first time.”

“Are you sure?”

“That’s the only time I’m going to be able to say it, so why would I lie?”

“I could’ve sworn….” he started before abruptly digging into a pocket to dig out an unusually quiet cell phone, the screen unlocked past a picture the two had taken before spending their first night together with a furious swipe until another photo lit up the screen, “That’s right, we had our first date here. How could I forget?”

“Whose idea was that?”

“Mine, but don’t judge! They’ve got great dessert here, you know how he is.” 

“I think it’s sweet, you two complement each other.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“Really, you’ve brought out the best qualities in him and vice versa,” Sal stated, both pausing the conversation to thank their waitress and start eating heartily, “I haven’t seen either of you this happy since the early days.”

“That’s saying something considering that high school was hell in a handbasket.” 

“Well, here you are now with your grade school crush being dorks and goin’ to cliché places on dates. Why would you wanna give that up?”

“I don’t! Oh God, I was a complete ass to him…” 

“You could probably make it up to him somehow.” 

“I think I have the solution,” Murr mused after a moment of thinking as he took one last bite of soup, waving their server over as they were reaching the end of their meal, “Miss, could I order a slice of coconut crème pie to go?”

“Sure, sweetheart. Anything else?”

“No ma’am, that’ll be all, thanks.”

He nearly sprinted off in the direction they had just came from with the Styrofoam box in hand once Sal had paid, caught up to when he was forced to pause or suffer with burning lungs. The younger man was equally out of breath when a firm hand clapped against a slightly stooped back in a friendly way before both continued together on their way to the rendezvous point put in place for that day’s punishment, Murr stopping dead in his tracks at witnessing a cleanly kept suit hug the man whom had stolen his heart, a lavender tie lighting up sapphire eyes into a beacon of attraction that never failed to bring the wandering one home.

“What’s all this?”

“An apology,” Joseph simply stated, a hand beckoning the other to join him on a makeshift bench that had been padded with couch cushions from home. Unable to resist, he sank into the comforting confines as a protective arm sank around a thin waist, a larger than average nose nuzzling into his clean shaven cheek, “Listen, baby, I’m so sorry about what happened.”

“Why would you do that to me? You’re my security blanket, Joey.”

“I never meant to hurt you…”

“I didn’t know that earlier, so I wanted to give you this as an apology.” Murr explained, handing over the carrying case, giggling softly at a surprised reaction when the lid was popped open and a bite was already taken out of the dessert, putting the pie away so it had a chance of survival longer than five minutes.

“Well, I have a little somethin’ for you too.”

“Oh? What could top mine?” he asked with an edge of cockiness before the feeling disappeared in an instant when he saw an object fill his boyfriend’s lap, “Is that…?”

“Told ya I didn’t burn the real one.”

Gasping loudly, the balding man scooped up a blue bundle of cloth that was immediately pressed protectively against his middle as large droplets of water started to fall from light lashes. Body wracked with sobs, a lump in the middle of his beloved blanket went unnoticed until a dull edge struck against a bony clavicle, curiosity peaked as nimble fingers flitted through the folded corners until a black velvet box fell into his lap for a moment before it was plucked up swiftly by the other man.

“Joey, what…?”

“James Sebastian Murray,” he started, knee bent into slightly damp grass without a care in the world, “I’ve always known that I wanted to be with you even before we started dating. You’re my reason for getting up in the morning, aside from the pups of course, so will you do me the honor of being my husband?”

“How could I say no to that face? Of course I will, honey.” 

Claps surrounded the two as a gold band slipped into place onto a corresponding finger, the older man leaping into the other’s lap without hesitation as lips locked in a moment of unbridled passion. Salivated slits smacked together as limbs tangled, dual moans released when a hand rubbed at an area of tented denim, the zipper teased at before a cleared throat broke them apart.

“Hate to interrupt, but don’t you think public sex is a bit much?” Q quipped matter-of-factly, lips spread into a slight smirk.

“It’s not my fault that you recreated our living room. That was the last place we had sex.” 

“Excuse me for trying to bring you two lovebirds back together.”

“Then stop your complaining, if you don’t wanna watch, look away!” 

“Are you saying that you don’t mind if I do?”

“When did our friends get so weird?” he asked with an exaggerated sigh, bending back down to resume a battle for dominance as tongues twined, hips rocking forward as he began to hump a leg. 

“Dunno, but I wouldn’t have it any other way since they brought us closer,” Joe remarked, voice muffled underneath slurps that only made a restrained erection twitch harder against the inside of formerly clean boxers to leave a stain of precum inside, “See what you did? Made me make a mess…”

“I like you better that way.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhm,” James purred softly as his covered cock continued to provide friction as a slender hand dipped inside his trousers, the added touch along a sensitive shaft already appreciated as beads of white were spread along the heated skin, “Enough to let the whole world see.” 

“Careful, ferret, or you’ll make everyone else jealous. Might try to steal one of us.”

“They’ll have to get through me first, no one’s taking my fiancé without a fight!”

“That’s the man I’m about to marry."


	2. Chapter 2

Building a life together was half the adventure of a life spent with one person meant to be with for the rest of time itself, so when the idea of having children came up both were more than eager to start the planning process. Murray started doing research on which option would be best and decided that even though it would take longer that having a biologic child would be better than trying to adopt; progress was being made in the right direction, but there was still the risk of denial since they were two men.

Nine months came and went quicker than they had thought as routine check-ups came up with each trimester their selected surrogate went through, but a mind had been made up that Joe would stay in the waiting room with mutual best friends while the other stayed with the mother of their daughter. Nervously, the balding man did all that was possible in order to provide comfort while contractions shuttered like small earthquakes, grunts catching him off guard when a provided hand was squeezed tighter than expected, the pain easily forgotten when a sharp cry punctuated the air moments later.

“You did it, Bessy, great job,” he reassured with a gentle kiss placed on the back of a curled palm before reluctantly leaving her side to do the honors of cutting the cord before the newborn was taken for a routine first examination, “Doctor, can my husband come in now? He deserves to see her too.”

“Right away, Mr. Murray.”

Unable to hold back a high level of joy that surged out of control, he was thrown into openly inviting arms as lips connected for a brief second when unnoticed tears streamed between the connected pair, “Joey… We’re parents, can you believe that?”

“I will when I see it. Where’s our baby?”

“Getting cleaned up.”

“Surprised you didn’t steal her the first chance ya got…”

“Took all the restraint I had,” he confirmed with a chuckle as a sudden idea struck the man as a prepared bag positioned in a corner of the room was unzipped to unveil a piece of cloth that had seen better days than this, “Almost forgot!”

“You brought that tattered old thing with you?”

“It’s about to become an heirloom, so I had to.”

About to ask what was meant by that statement, Joseph was interrupted by the medical team returning with a swaddled bundle immediately passed over to the father since the woman had been claimed by sleep without resistance. Carefully, his outstretched arms wrapped protectively around the new addition as an extra layer of blanket was added to the mundane white one provided, placing a firm kiss in the middle of a soft forehead when finished.

“Do you have a name for her, gentlemen?” one of the nurses asked, helping to tuck wayward corners into a tighter arrangement.

“Melanie Elaine Murray,” her father declared without a moment of hesitation as his husband agreed while watching as attention was diverted toward the miniature human when a soft mewl came as if in thanks for the extra warmth, “Blankie, you’ve gotten me through some of the best and worst times, so I trust you’ll do the same for her.”

“Are you sure about this, baby?”

“She needs it more than I do. What kind of father would I be to deny her such luxuries?”

“I’m not sure I’d use that phrase, but you have a point.”

“You like it, right Mellie?” he asked in a high-pitched tone as a small fist wound around an extended index finger,”’Course you do! Only the best for daddy’s little girl.”

“You’ve made your point, ferret, let me see our daughter.”

“Shi-oot, I didn’t mean to hog her from you, love.”

Passing the delicate body over to well-muscled appendages, a long wail came out in protest within seconds of not being held by the man who had contributed to creating her, the hard cries only able to be calmed when Murr took her back. Crestfallen, the younger man tried to put on a brave face for the sake of a growing family, but he could not help taking it a little personally; what if she ended up never liking him? That was a constantly plaguing fear brought up along the course of the three trimesters, but now that worry was a reality he was at a loss of what to do in such a situation, “She really seems to like you.”

“Babe, we’ve talked about this… I was the first person she saw, so it’s only natural.”

“She’ll be the same way with Bess though.” 

“Doesn’t mean she won’t warm up to ya.” 

“Easy for you to say,” the younger one mused while watching from a distance as Melanie pressed closer into a narrow chest, her pudgy cheek resting against toothpaste blue scrubs without a care in the world, “Might as well let the uncles come meet her, eh?”

“One at a time, we don’t want to overwhelm her.”

Nodding silently the other two were sent in, his suspicions confirmed when soft giggles could be heard from the adjacent room while company was shared with the oldest member of their group. Joe tried to mask inevitable insecurities, yet it did not take long for a thick hand to grip at the other’s concave shoulder out of sympathy until hot tears brimmed at a lashed threshold, his face hidden in a broadened collarbone scented with a faint hint of smoke from days long since forgotten.

“What am I gonna do, Bri? She _hates_ me for God’s sake!” 

“Are you sure it wasn’t a happy kinda cry? I’d have the same reaction if I went from that ugly mug to your handsome face.” 

“I wish, but I barely held her when she started sobbing…” 

“If it’s any consolation, I may get the same reaction.” 

“Surprised you’re here when you hate kids.”

“Eh, being around Sally’s nieces have helped a lot. Besides, who would I be to miss out on an opportunity to be an uncle?” 

Unable to help laughing at such a ridiculous claim accompanied by waggling bushy brows, he seemed to have honed a small shred of dignity after recuperating even when the men switched out and he was left with the youngest man from their foursome, which seemed to only add to a lowering level of uncertainty despite learning that his daughter had taken a sudden liking to her Uncle Sal. 

“How long did you hold her?” 

“Five, seven minutes maybe? I dunno man, I kinda lost track.” 

“Is that so?” 

“Can’t help it, she’s already a charmer,” he stated with a slight shrug, sighing softly when a moment of hesitation was noticed, “She’ll get used to you, Joe.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“You’re her father too, she knows that.”

“I certainly hope she does at some point.” 

An open casket funeral was not what one expected on the anniversary of their first date, but here he was mourning the sudden loss of a man whom he hadn’t been married to for a year. Joseph was at a loss for words, sapphire eyes rimmed with red as a sensitive soul began to shatter under the weight of such a situation; if it had not been for their daughter then there would be no pain to feel in the first place. 

“We’re so sorry, Joey,” the older man gave his condolences with a strengthened hug while the infant was tucked in the crook of a secure, olive toned elbow so that her father’s unstable emotional state did not disrupt her any more than had already happened, “If there’s anything we can do to help, you know we’re here.”

“I appreciate it, man. I just… I can’t believe he’s gone.” 

“Neither can I… Can’t imagine how you feel, but we’ll try our best to understand.” Sal reassured in a hushed voice as the little girl’s eyelashes fluttered to a close.

“At least he’s not suffering anymore.” 

“Whatdya mean? His death wasn’t sudden?”

“He didn’t wanna worry you guys, but he was diagnosed with cancer ‘bout a week before getting married. Didn’t want to wait when we had no idea how long he had left, so we went ahead and tied the knot.”

“Shit…” 

“Bri, language around our niece.” 

“It’s okay, bud, I had the same reaction. Sorry I didn’t tell you guys, I didn’t wanna go against his wishes…”

“You’re a good man for doing so, we don’t blame you,” Brian mused, a firm hand pressing the back of a bent neck closer to his shoulder as another flood spilled down the other’s face, “Atta boy, let it all out. How ‘bout I make you a drink and we can talk?”

“I would, but I gotta take care of Mellie.” 

“Go ahead, I’ll watch her,” the youngest member remarked without a second thought, watching as a rebuttal was about to be formed before the energy dissipated like a morning fog, “I insist, you need a moment alone to grieve.” 

“I couldn’t ask that of you.”

“Luckily I’m asking then, isn’t it?”

Sighing softly with an air of defeat the single parent gave an abnormally large amount of appreciation before timidly leaning down to press a small peck against a sleepily scrunched forehead to smooth wrinkles away. Dragged away from the scene to a notorious firetruck red Jeep waiting outside of the church to arrive at a close by apartment to assist in putting up a much needed distraction when a swarm of furry bodies greeted them both as the threshold was crossed into a carpeted living room.

“Look who daddy brought over, it’s Uncle Joe!” the older one announced to his pets, picking up the nearest grey cat to cuddle a bearded cheek into silky fur, “Chessie seems to be the most excited about having you here.” 

“Even with the scent of dogs on me?” 

“Of course, you’re his favorite after all.” 

“Well, I am now that Murr’s not here.”

Silence paused the conversation as the second oldest feline was passed along, the host keeping a careful watch on the other who buried an abnormally large nose into the strands of hair to muffle a succession of sniffles. Guiding the pair to a padded cushion, Q pressed a comforting kiss against an area where hair began to rise into a widows peak before entrusting four-legged children to protect his friend as he went on to start mixing different flavors of non-alcoholic beverages with copious amounts of peach vodka. Upon bringing back twin glasses filled to the brim a surge of sympathy shuttered throughout a usually stoic demeanor, face falling at every reminder that they were left without one member of their group.

“He didn’t deserve to go out like this, Chess…” Joe murmured in a somberly soaked voice, scratching below an outstretched chin as he continued on, “We were gonna grow old together like in the Notebook. He made me watch that goddamned movie on our third date and I didn’t wanna admit how ideal of an ending that’d be for us.” 

“If it makes you feel any better, he’s still here in a sense.”

“She’ll never get to know him, I think that’s the worst part,” he added as a long swig of the offered drink was taken to choke off another oncoming attack of sadness, “It’s a shame, she loved him so much. I-I don’t think I can raise her on my own and that scares me shitless!”

“You won’t be, Sal and I will be glad to help in any way we can.” 

“That wouldn’t be fair…”

“Fuck that, life wasn’t fair taking away your husband. At least let us be there for a few weeks, so you can adjust.” 

Reluctantly agreeing, Joseph’s attention was taken away with ease when a mundane text tone went off multiple times, which caused him to start crying for a whole new reason at the sight of his daughter happily playing with the unpaid babysitter even though each pose was like the last one since she still could not move much even though skills were slowly developing every day, “Look at that, she’s so happy with ‘im.” 

“Sally’s always been a natural with kiddos.” 

“D’you think you’ll ever have kids with him?” Joe asked, forgetting for a moment about a permanently aching heart while getting lost in updates of the secretly kept relationship, gasping when a faint blush underneath facial hair was the only answer, “How far have you gotten?!”

“We’re still lookin’ at adoption agencies, but we may need to be shown the ropes by a professional.”

“You’ve come to the right guy, if it weren’t for Murray taking me to every parenting class more than once I’d be just as lost. He was so worried about messing up and now…” 

“Don’t let those newfound skills go to waste, he’d want you to be strong for the little one.” 

“I plan on it, I just hope I can be emotionally stable around her.” 

“You’re allowed to mourn, man. It’d be unnatural if you didn’t.” 

“Some days are easier than others, ya know?”

“Trust me, I do. There’ve been a lot of things reminding me of him lately, and Sal’s had to remind me that he’s dead. Just doesn’t seem real.”

“Reality’s a bitch…” 

Joseph never thought that he could be ready to take on such responsibility as a single dad, the idea being more ideal in theory rather than practice when there came a moment where it seemed as if the deceased man were trying to pass an untold message along; things start and end, that was the natural order of the universe as a whole, their daughter being proof of that sentiment. Looking down at softened skin, breath hitched upon inhaling when wide, sparkling blue pools stared up at him with wonder as a small smile spread the closed mouth wide enough for a rubber nipple to slip out as a few drops of formula dripped onto the front of a lilac onesie, “What is it, little girl?” 

“Think she’s tryin’ to tell you something, Joey?” 

“That’s why I asked her,” he remarked matter-of-factly, chuckling lightly at hazel eyes rolling in response when a small fist found a way around curled fingers to give a gentle squeeze as if trying to comfort her father even though having one less parent was a foreign concept at this point, “You remind me so much of your dad, he’d be so proud just like when you were born.” 

“How’re you handling things?”

“It’s never going to be the same, obviously, but I like to think I’m doing what Murr would have wanted. Can’t help but wondering whether he’s watching over us when I get to missing him more than usual.” 

“’Course he is, Joey.” 

“What makes you so sure?”

“Well, death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a little while,” Brian reassured while turning to place a soft smooch on his sleeping fiancé’s face as soft snores punctuated the air in time with coos from the infant, “He never left you in life, why would this be any different?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to kill off Murr, but I've been dealing with the recent death of one of my family friends who died from cancer and I felt like this would be a good way to help me cope. Hope y'all still enjoy this chapter nonetheless!


	3. Chapter 3

Scars made people who they were, yet gaping holes unable to fully close did little to help those who were still in the process of grieving while trying their best to raise a child without outside help. Oe would be lying if he denied how stressful of a situation unfolded in the aftermath of losing his husband to barely a year’s worth fight with a deadly disease, but between raising their daughter and finding temporary jobs whenever possible there was enough to distract a wandering mind until the anniversary of Murray’s death came without warning.

Waking up in a usual daze, the man blindly reached out for the other who should have been there when a curled palm met an empty, flattened pillow that remained untouched until then, “Babe…?” 

No answer given only caused a weakened heart to worsen in condition upon realizing after a dream of both being parents as they had planned early on in their relationship was nothing more than a fading fantasy, soft sobs starting to rise in volume as all noise faded to a dull hum. Emptiness seeped through to freeze the man in place as it was prone to do, the offered arms wrapped around his middle barely noticed as red-rimmed irises stared blankly at a thin metal band as shallow breaths began to even out with the second set of lungs encouraging a steady state from a few inches to the left. 

“It’s alright, Joey, I’m here,” a husky voice rasped out, thickly calloused thumb swiping over the back of his outstretched hand in a soothing manner, “Dreamt about him, huh?” 

“Isn’t that obvious?” he asked in an air of annoyance that was quickly apologized for, head resting against a broad chest as reassurance was given in the form of a soft kiss being planted against his temple, “Did I wake Mellie?” 

“Nah, she’s been up with Sal for a while now.” 

“You didn’t come to get me? Fellas, we’ve talked about this…”

“I was coming to check on you when I heard your cries, I got here as soon as I could.”

“Sorry, Bri, I know you’re doing the best you can,” Joe mused with a sharp sigh as emotions began to settle reasonably, “It’s been a year, for fuck’s sake. You’d think I’d be able to get over this by now, but here I am…”

“We’re here to help especially on a day like this one. D’you want us to take her back to our place after breakfast?”

“If you wouldn’t mind?”

“Wouldn’t offer if we did, you should know that by now, bud.”

Nodding understandably, the widower rolled out of bed in a blue plaid pair of pajama bottoms and a worn grey shirt that had belonged to his husband; the faint scent of pine wood and orange spice was slowly fading away, but it did not stop him from putting them on when he felt alone the most. Bare feet padding down a carpeted floor, a soothingly soft voice could barely be heard above the constant cooing of the lone female in the household as it grew to a piercing shriek of excitement at seeing her father, “Dada!” 

“Hi baby girl,” he greeted in a brighter tone to cover up any trace of sadness so as not to upset anyone else, picking her up from the younger man’s lap, “Have you been good for Uncle Sal?”

“She’s been a peach,” the man in question confirmed as his niece clung closely to her single parent and began giving slobbery kisses that were returned with giggles let out with every other action of affection, “Changed her diaper with little difficulty.” 

“Surprised you didn’t get grossed out.” 

“Don’t let ‘im fool you, he was. Mellie got a kick outta it and he kept telling her it wasn’t funny.”

“Typical…” Joe stated with a chuckle, kissing his daughter’s forehead as a tiny cheek rested against his shoulder, “Sweet girl. Are you hungry?”

Getting a gentle nod in approval, the four gathered around a small wooden dining table as the toddler was safely secured into a high chair while her parent went back and forth between feeding both of them pieces of omelet once filled plates were passed around. Metal tines scraping against porcelain filled the air as silence persisted, slight sips of creamer drenched coffee punctuating the atmosphere with small slurps in a somber attitude that was put up as a defense mechanism in order to keep the youngling from getting upset without knowing why. Sapphire eyes drenched in residual sadness stared at an empty seat that should have been set, a cleared throat startling him from a zoned out state, “Sorry, you were saying?”

“Give our regards to the ferret, will ya?” Q asked in a gentle manner, thick fingers fitting into place beside his with a soft squeeze, “If that’s alright, if not we’ll go visit him later.” 

“’Course it is, you loved him just as much.”

“Are you sure going alone is a good idea? We’re worried about you, Joey.”

“I haven’t had a moment alone with my husband since he died, is that too much to ask for?”

“Not at all,” Sal spoke up as he wiped a snaking white line from his niece’s cheek delicately, “You deserve that at least, we just don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret.” 

An argument was about to be voiced at how irresponsible committing such a crime would be since it would technically make their child an orphan, but he would be lying at saying the thought had not crossed his mind over the last twelve months despite going to therapy on a regular basis. Self-harm had not been inflicted, but there had been a few breakdowns that concerned his friends enough to spend a few nights sleeping over, “I have you both on speed dial in case it gets that bad.” 

“Atta boy,” the older man praised with a clap to a slightly bent shoulder to add emphasis before taking dirty dishes to soak in lukewarm water, returning to take the little one out of her seat so the tray could be cleaned of any stains, “Do you wanna give daddy a goodbye kiss real quick, sweetheart?” 

“You be a good girl, okay? I love you, Melanie.” Joseph told her with a subtle hitch in his voice, for ever since his husband had passed being separated from people he cared about most was never easy. 

“Love dada!”

A collective awe came out in response to her declaration that her living parent had feared would never come naturally, nuzzling his nose against hers in an Eskimo kiss, hugs exchanged between the others prior to them leaving for an apartment overrun by felines 

Dressing in a navy blue suit and slacks, trembling hands tried without success the first three times to tie a complicated knot similarly to the day where they had gotten married, fingers faltering at a sense of déjà vu that would not be completed since his constant companion was not there to fix the crooked accessory. On the way to the cemetery, a bouquet of light pink roses had been picked out similarly to when the two had made a pit stop before their wedding. Faint smile lifting the corners of a usually downturned mouth, Joe walked a familiar path along a slightly steep hill when knees fell into place beside the eternal resting place that he would one day join, fingertips tracing over the carved words. 

“Hey baby,” he greeted barely above a whisper, leaning forward to press a peck into the stone as the offering was put into place against the tombstone, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, as if I could ever stop.”

While a light breeze whipped through the canopy of leaves starting to change color, he busied with getting the departed one caught up on significant events that had happened such as their daughter beginning to take her first uncertain steps and how quickly she was learning the difference between him and her uncles. Rambling along it was not a difficult task imagining a contagious smile spreading along his sweet face as if he were actually listening to the one-sided conversation, which only caused a fragile heart to falter at realizing the reality that those reactions would diminish from memory within the years to come as clear vision became clouded with hot tears. 

“Please, Murray, send some kind of sign that I’m doing the right things… I feel like such a fuck up, I can’t take care of her without our friends help, I can only imagine how annoyed they are. I’m wasting their time while they try to adopt a kid of their own.” 

Liquid emotions cascaded in an uncontainable waterfall as confessions continued to come out between choked breaths that only seemed to stop when warmth surrounded him despite the dropping temperature. Pressing closer into the invisible embrace, a string of I love yous coming out quietly to quell the over emotional overtones of being separated in such a cruel way. Wetted eyelids wiped at with the back of a curled palm, a weak laugh punctuated the air around him at remembering how he had always had to be calmed down by a loving, non-judgmental partner in similar ways when he was physically here, “Even now, you know just how to calm me down. I’ll never stop loving you, Jamie, I hope you know that.”  

Over the next fourteen years he continued to routinely check in with the dearly departed whenever a visit could fit into a busy schedule now that their teenage daughter was getting involved in extracurricular activities and multiple jobs had been picked up along the way. One particular day had been set aside in mid-May for the day he had been brought into the world, Joseph escorting the female family member of the curving slope as a medium white box and folded blanket was carried in the crook of a well-muscled arm. Laying the pink patterned piece of cloth out, the two weighed it down as the case was opened to reveal a vanilla cake topped with a raspberry drizzle, the first selected slice placed on a paper plate settled on the grave next to another gift of light petal flowers. 

“Dad?” Melanie spoke up after taking a bite of the dessert, medium length chestnut hair blown back by a fresh spring breeze from the thin face it usually framed that was nearly identical to the missing paternal figure, “Why do you still wear your wedding ring?”

“We’re still married, we’re just separated for the time being.” 

“But it’s ‘til death do us part, I think he’d want you to move on.” 

“I’m not ready to let your father go,” Joe reasoned, eyes lifting toward a pale blue sky scarcely populated with thin clouds, “Don’t think I ever will be. Aside from you, I don’t have much to remember him.”

“Were you this clingy when he was still around?”

“Even more so, if you can believe that. We were inseparable from the moment we met in high school, and it wasn’t long until he asked me out on our first date.” 

“Wait, you were high school sweethearts?” 

“Thought I already told you that,” Joe remarked, giggling mostly to himself at a sudden memory, “Your uncles teased us, but we got back at ‘em when we found out they were dating too. It’s hard to believe we’re one member short even after all these years.” 

“You really loved him, and it sounds like he adored you too. Do you think he’d love me too?”

“Without a doubt, he was your biggest fan for the short time he knew you.”

“Really?”

“You act surprised by that, he left you one of his most treasured belongings after all. Slept with it for forty years until you were born.” 

Sharing in light laughter at such a ridiculous notion that proved to be part of a precious personality, the two reluctantly gathered up the few items that had been brought for a counterintuitive celebration after giving their farewells to the one permanently resting. When it was realized that errands needed to be ran, a parking lot of a quaint market a few miles away was pulled into, the two were lost in a normally mundane task transitioned into to distract from just leaving the grave, the older man oblivious to being hit on by another customer until his daughter decided to be protective for once.

“Sorry, but he’s taken,” Melanie stated matter-of-factly, holding up the hand adorned with the simple silver wedding band that hardly ever left its stationed position, “My fathers have been together practically forever.” 

“Thought you wanted me to move on?” he dared to ask when the male in question got the hint and had left the aisle, eyebrow arching in confusion as he waited for clarification, “Isn’t it pathetic that I’m wasting my time waiting for someone to come back when they never will?”

“No, it’s actually kinda sweet the more I think about it. Gotta be pretty deep in love if you’re that patient.” 

“You remind me so much of him all the damned time, ya know?” 

“Don’t push it pops, or I’ll set a profile up for you on a dating site when we get home…” 

“Don’t think your father would approve, but you’re welcome to try all you want.”


End file.
